I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder on 21st July 2010. It wasn't really a formal sit-down and explanation kind of thing. It was more a drop it into conversation at a meeting and wait for me to say "Wait, what?".
I have been under mental health teams since I was 13 years old. I have been given a few indications about why I find life and other humans so intolerable and difficult to connect with, including anxiety disorders. One doctor also told me it was probably because I was "just a miserable person". I was shuffled around from one assessment to another. I never received any real solid treatment, I just floated around in the mental health system for years.
So, to be suddenly hit with a real diagnosis hit me very hard. At this time of writing I still don't think the shock has gone. Don't get me wrong, they had thrown the personality disorder words about a few times. I just never thought they'd give me something to fight against. I thought I would be floating around in the system for many more years to come.
They didn't really explain much about it, other than they thought I was bipolar but now they decided I had borderline personality disorder. Then they moved on with the meeting. At the time I didn't really say much, I felt a bit numb. I've always wanted to know exactly what I was up against, and they'd never tell me. Now I knew and it was a bit too much to take in. I almost wanted her to take it back.
Of course, in the UK where I am the healthcare is free. While I love the NHS, the downside to it is the mental health care. They told me I'd have to wait a long time for any kind of therapy. Luckily for me though, I had already been seeing a therapist that work had kindly paid for for me. When I bought it up with her, she was brilliant. She helped me understand things a bit better. She offered me DBT, and yesterday we started to go through the first chapter. Although I still haven't got to terms with my diagnosis yet, I am really thankful I have someone like my therapist to help me. If work hadn't have paid for me to see her, I'd still be waiting around for something to happen.
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